1 post tagged “vosges bacon chocolate bar”
Look at it. Fucking look at it and weep. It's a bacon chocolate bar. A bacon fucking chocolate fucking bar, my people. Think about that. Two of the world's most magical foods together in a single food experience.
Other people have trinities--Daddio, Laddio and the Big Spook. My trinity looks like this: the foundation is bacon and tomato with a crown of Lindt Milk Chocolate. The thing is--Vosges makes some amazing chocolate. If they made a plain milk chocolate bar, I would probably be addicted to it in the same way I'm addicted to Lindt milk chocolate bars. Vosges, however, doesn't do "plain." All of their chocolate is exotic, but most of it doesn't appeal to me--chili pepper and other weird shit isn't my idea of a chocolate flavoring. Now...bacon, though. Bacon.
The first time I saw one of these bars, I was supposed to just be dashing in to purchase some Lindt while Hubbicula waited for me. Instead, I stood paralyzed for a good ten minutes, staring at the bacon bar, trying to figure out what to do. My gut instinct was to buy one, $8 price tag be damned. As I reached for it, though, I thought, "Oh, crap, what am I doing?" Think about it: two of best foods in the world are bacon and chocolate. Put them together and you have potentially an addictive substance that makes cocaine look like Lik-M-Aid. This is like what happened to Rome. Everything was going along fine, innovation, democracy, indoor plumbing, and then whammo! Something pushed them over the edge. I'm not saying it was a bacon chocolate bar, but perhaps the Roman equivalent of it.
I thought, "If I buy that chocolate bar and it turns out to be amazing, I'll be hooked, buying $8 chocolate bars like a goddamned crack whore. I'll be out back in the alley behind the Euro-swanky boutique shop where they sell it, trying to give blow jobs to 70-year old professors of Renaissance Italian Poetry, just to get my next fix."
Do you know how hard it is to suck off a 70-year old professor of Renaissance Italian Poetry? I'm not saying you do, I was just curious.
So, throwing caution to the winds, I went into Euro-swank last night with the full intention of buying a bar of it. They were sold out. The little pusher behind the counter--a deceptively pleasant looking young woman--said, "Oh, yeah, people have been buying it like crazy." To which I answered, "Of course they have. Everybody wants to taste the candy that's going to destroy civilization as we know it." So much for not wearing my weird on my sleeve.
