Year in review meme

Borrowed from mad-tante.  The first sentence of the first post of each month.

January: Sorry folks.  All that talk about Bacon Chocolate Armageddon was a bit premature.

February: Next time you put gas in your car, as you watch your savings and your kids' college money flash before your eyes on the gas pump display, whisper that to yourself like a crazy homeless guy: "Exxon reports record profits." 

March: I went to Target for a few items and while I was looking at light bulbs, a pair of skwerly teenage boys approached me, one pushing an empty shopping cart, the other carrying some sort of ceramic Spider-Man head.

April: I hate April Fool's Day, because it's too obvious.

May: Dear Receptionist:

June: My whole life is under construction these days.

July: Are you fucking KIDDING me?

August: On my walk to work this week I've seen this same item that the trash guys declined to pick up:

September: Did I miss the memo?  I realize it's been ten years since I worked for Planned Parenthood as a sex educator, so it's possible I haven't kept up with all the latest stuff on that front, but when did it become okay for teenagers to get pregnant?

October: Jesus wants a piece of cake, baby.

November: Day of the Dead mural in Wichita. Painted to solve an ongoing grafitti problem.

December: That's it: I'm declaring a moratorium on typewriters and all forms that need to be filled out with typewriters.