Turn around, this way, no, over here

Welcome to New Graduate Student Orientation. 

Orienting new GTA's is like herding cats.  Except that cats are cute and you can generally use a laser pointer or a feather toy to get their attention.  Not so much with GTA's.

It's the same every year, and there's the same basic assortment of incoming GTA's:

The quiet, nervous, overly conscientious international student, who always makes me wonder: "Really?  You came all the way from Russia/India/Iran/South Africa to study French...in Kansas?"

The rather creepy, overly friendly, prematurely aged Easterner.  He stands too close and laughs at all my jokes and asks personal questions, like we're on a date or something.

The utterly hysterical Kansan who wants to know why she hasn't received more information about her classes, registration, the orientation, housing, etc.  Oh, and yes, in fact, she has moved three times since May and hasn't had internet access all summer.  To whom, I always want to say, "Fer fuck's sake.  You've been in Kansas all summer.  I guarantee you, your local library had internet access.  You could have ridden a mule over here if you wanted more information."  Let's just say, this person is always an example of the stark difference between GRE scores and practical intelligence.

The intense, overachiever, who wants to be sure that everyone understands that he gets it, whatever it is.  Later, he will be a thorn in my side, because he will get himself elected as a grad student representative.  Then every month he will submit half a dozen motions for the departmental meeting, each of them with a the goal of changing the way I operate the office.  He'll phrase it as suggestion to improve efficiency, but all he means is that it will improve his convenience.

The three blond (or brunette, depending on the year) GTA's who are virtually indistinguishable from each other and will remain so until approximately three weeks before graduation or until one of them seriously fucks up.

So, we'll see if I can't get them pointed in the right direction.  Whichever direction that is.