Redzilla's Entertainment Noose: Dead Man's Shoes & Get Carter

I don't remember who, but someone recommended the film Dead Man's Shoes to me.  I like Paddy Considine, so I put it on my Netflix queue.  He not only stars in it, but he wrote and directed it.  I was disappointed, for a number of reasons, none of which have to do with the utterly unoriginal story line.  You'll recognize it: older brother returns to town from prison/army/a life of crime, to avenge the murder/death of his brother. 

I can forgive that.  Hell, there are only a few dozen stories anyway and we just keep retelling them.  Or I could forgive that if anything in that over-used story line were believable.  There's some great acting, from Paddy as brother Richard, and from the lovely Toby Kebbel as retarded brother, Tony.  It can't save this film. 

Ultimately, the retarded brother's death is revealed to be a suicide, with the suggestion that the drugs and emotional torment meted out to him by some local thugs brought it about.  The cause of death isn't revealed until the last fifteen minutes of the film, and it's just one more nail in the coffin.  The suicide seems completely improbable, not just based on what we know of the emotional life of the character, but based on the melodramatic set up of the physics of the suicide.  Really?  We're to believe the retarded brother found a rope, tied a noose, and strung it up in a rather inconvenient location, where it's difficult to tell how he even would have managed to hang himself. 

The last five minutes were even worse as they featured what was touted in some reviews as a "truly surprising twist."  Yeah, well, so the dead brother riding back from Hell on a unicorn would have been a "truly surprising twist."  What wasn't exactly surprising or all that twisty is that the last of the local thugs on Paddy's to-kill list turns out to be a nice chap and in the flashbacks is the only one who tries to put a stop to the alleged torments faced by the retarded brother.  So Paddy is overcome with guilt at the "monster he's become" and to wit: instead of murdering the last of the men who were present at his brother's death, Paddy forces the guy to kill him.  Yes, the last witness to the retarded brother's death is forced to stab Paddy in the gut.  Which for the record is not a very easy and quick way to die, although he seems to drop off quite quickly. 

As a cherry on top, the film has the very same weakness that every other film of its ilk has: no explanation of how the older brother has turned himself into some sort of merciless death-dealing ninja.  Unless that's just standard training in the British military.

So, I don't recommend Dead Man's Shoes.  Instead, what you should put on your queue is the Special Edition DVD of Get Carter.  No, no, no, don't even think of the Sylvester Stallone remake.  Don't sully your mind with that cinematic craptasm.  Go back to 1971 and watch Michael Caine do his thing.  At 38, he was all squinty-eyed and dangerous sexy.  Despite the girly way he runs, you believe he's capable of doing some bad shit.  Plus, it's just more fun to watch, especially the bizarre, oyeuristic* phone sex scene.

Get_Carter

*So, what is the auditory equivalent of voyeurism?