Open letter: why do you think they call it dope?
Dear Receptionist:
You're a nice person. I like you. You're friendly and pleasant and mostly reliable. You were a big help to me when I first started the job, but now you're becoming a drag on my own slacker-productivity. I can't slack when I have to hold your hand through the smallest thing.
You're getting stupid and it's because you smoke TOO MUCH FUCKING POT! So knock it off.
It's killing your brain cells and turning you from a sweet old hippie into a stupid old hippie who is going to feel my wrath.
If I give you a stamped envelope addressed to the Provost's office and two offer letters for a new lecturer, with a post-it note stuck on it with an address in New York, do not come back to me half an hour later and say, "I could just walk this over to the Provost's Office. We don't have to send it through the mail." DUH. Send it to the address on the fucking post-it note. It has to go to the new lecturer and he sends it back to the Provost's Office.
If someone breaks the photocopying rules, how many times do I have to tell you to document it? I'm not going to chastise someone unless you're actually keeping records of their previous infractions. It's that simple--every time somebody screws up, write down their name, the date, and what they did. And hey, here's an idea: don't do it on a fucking post-it note that you're going to lose. Keep an excel file or a folder or something.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, you dope fiend. You wanna have a doob on the weekend, that's fine, but stop going home every night and lighting up.
Sincerely,
~Redzilla
P.S. If it turns out that this is actually early onset Alzheimer's, uh...sorry about this. Oh, hell, you won't remember it anyway.
Comments
Laughing audibly now, at Redzilla's late-onset speculation about extenuating circumstances. Even if she has a medical condition, it is still cutting into your slack, and that's not a good thing.
At least she doesn't drive. Although potheads driving are much better than drunk drivers...the worst they do typically is drive 20 miles under the speed limit with all the windows rolled down and the left blinker on and Van Morrison on the tape deck...kinda like someone with early-onset Alzheimer's...
And yes, Leeeenda, photocopying rules. I work with a bunch of PhD's. You can't trust them. They're like 4-year olds without any street smarts. Lots and lots of rules to keep them in line.