Listen all y'all, it's a sabotage

Here I am in my role as political saboteur and I don't quite know how to feel or what to do.

I've been registered as a Republican my entire life for two reasons: I was raised by Abraham Lincoln Republicans, and the Democratic Primary/Caucus in Kansas has historically been meaningless.  (As discussed here.)  I am still registered as a Republican, again for two reasons: The Democratic Caucus in Kansas is meaningless and I am a coward.

At any rate, I feel like a coward, because the reason I didn't switch parties in time to caucus with the Democrats is that I didn't want to have to choose.  As I predicted earlier, the only Democratic candidates that I actively liked would already be out of the race by the time February 5th rolled around.  Today confirms it.  Joe Biden and Dennis Kucinich have long been out of the running--were in fact never really in it--but now John Edwards is bowing out.  So, as I knew would happen, come next Tuesday, Democrats in Kansas will end up caucusing for the two front runners.  I don't actively dislike Obama or Hillary (and isn't it interesting that she will always be Hillary, because when I type Clinton I can't think of anything but Bill?)  I just don't have a great deal of confidence that either of them will a.) resoundingly win the general election* or b.) accomplish any meaningful change if they were to manage a win.

In short, I want what Bartcop calls a pony**.  I want a dream candidate.  I want the impossible.  On the plus side, I know I'm not going to get it.  So, as a pony-wanting coward, I will go to the polls in November, hold my nose, and vote for whoever wins the Democratic nomination.  Whoever.  Even if a surprise Democratic Convention turns the nomination over to Hitler with Cobras for Arms.***

On February 9th, though, I've got another decision to make, when I caucus with my fellow Republicans.  Which Republican candidate to vote for?  The goal is to vote for the one with the least chance of winning against Hillary or Obama.  So I clearly cannot choose the John McCain in front of me****.  I'm leaning toward a vote for Mike Huckabee, because he's a fucking nutjob.  He's like an Impressionist painting.  He looks okay from a distance, but get too close and you can tell his shit is all fucked up.  He has some crazy ideas that will appeal to that special segment of America that believes everything in the Bible is literally and historically true.  To the rest of Americans, though, I suspect his wackiness will make him non-viable come November.  I wish Fred Thompson were still in the race, because I'd vote for him knowing he would lose interest and wander away before the general election.

So, that's my dilemma?  Who to vote for in the Republican caucus?

Appendix A
* Why don't I think Hillary or Obama have a good chance of winning in the general election?  Because I have not seen much lately that reassures me the average American is honestly ready to vote for a woman or a black man.  Is that pessimistic and negative of me?  Yes, but I still feel that way.  Am I going to vote for a woman or a black man?  You bet your goddamn bippy I am, but I happen to be a radical liberal who really does believe in equality.  I'm not convinced that the majority of America is with me.  (And since we'll still be crippled by the Electoral College come November, it wouldn't really matter if the majority of America were with me.)

**Bartcop happens to believe that Obama is a pony.  He thinks Obama is an impractical, pie-in-the-sky dreamer.  I think Obama is just your basic politician, no less pragmatic or more pony-like than Hillary.

***Why am I so virulently opposed to voting Republican in November?  Because Bush didn't fuck this country up by himself.  He had the help of the Republican political machine, all its back pocket lobbyists, its ideologues, its little and mid-range politicos, its media dogs, its fundraisers, and its cronies.  If another Republican president is elected, a goodly portion of that machine will remain in place, doing what it does best--fucking the average American over.  It's like that old joke about Hell: I don't have a great deal of faith that a Democratic president (and the Democratic machine) can extricate us from the Pit of Shit we're standing in, but maybe we don't have to stand on our heads in the Pit of Shit for the next eight years.

****I've been asked a few times what I have against John McCain, who has frequently been cited by undecided or independent voters as someone they would vote for over Hillary.  My answer is rather handily summed up in this photo:

This photo was taken after Bush's campaign stabbed McCain in the back in a low-down dirty way.  For every moment that McCain seems to speak from his own convictions instead of the Republican party line, there is another moment in which he has colluded with the Bush Administration to betray Americans.  The only reason I can fathom for McCain's willingness to stay in bed with the Bushies is his overweening desperation to become President.  He wants it so bad that he was willing to suck up to anyone to get an advantage.  Too bad for him that Bush is like radioactive waste for Republican candidates now.  John McCain is a member of a small club of people I once deeply respected and now wouldn't cross the street to spit on if he were on fire.  (Colin Powell is also a member of that club.)