I await our new overlord...Pat Boone?
By now, perhaps you've heard that Chuck Norris has declared that right wing militant groups in the US are going to rise up and make him "President of Texas." "If," he says, "the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state." He adds: "…we've bastardized the First Amendment, reinterpreted America's religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life."
Uh, dude, seriously? Now, you've decided that if things get too bad in America you'll break Texas off into your own little fiefdom of religious nutjobbery? Didn't the religious right's henchmen help bring America to the brink of economic destruction? That didn't seem to worry you, but the threat of freedom of religion does? I'm calling Chuck Norris out as a pansy-ass chickenshit motherfucker. Is Chuck afwaid of atheists? Boo! Is Chuck afwaid of freedom? Does Chuck wake up in the middle of the night, terrified of a vision of America in which people are free and happy and unoppressed? (And where kids don't have to read the Bible in school?) Also, you can have Texas, Chuck. The BBQ is pretty good, but it's just not worth the hassle.
That one was wacky enough, but then I read that Pat Boone was also dreaming of being appointed president following an uprising of pseudo-religious militias.
What the fuck, Gus? Have these ass clowns never heard of democracy? We just had a national election to decide who'd be president and you numbnuts didn't even run. You'll let Bush & Co. nearly destroy everything that makes America great, from our federally protected freedoms to our scientific innovations and our booming economy. But put one black man with a decent intellect in the White House and all the sudden, you want to overthrow the government.
Take note my people: this is why sane, secular, freedom-loving folks like you and me need to own guns. I think I'm going to start a militia and call it The Flaming Liberals. If there's going to be a war in America, I don't want the pseudo-Christian* rightwing nutjobs to be the only people who are armed.
*This is my new approach to calling these people out without insulting the actual Christians who may visit my blog.
Comments
And then I remember Sarah Palin. :(
'pseudo-Christians' is a good word.
This puts me in the mind of Vox's QotD today: "How do you define greatness?"
Not Pat Boone.
Fox called pseudo-Christians "Professors" because they professed a faith that they did not in fact put into practice.
And that reminds me of a quote I've heard attributed to H. L. Mencken: "Christianity has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found difficult and left untried."
1. FACT (geek points for the reference) Texas is the only State in the Union that had put into it's State Constitution, and in the negotiations for being a State in our union, that it can secede from the union at any time without repercussions.
2. One of my favorite non-pseudo christian authors was once told a radio interviewer that he refused to defend the term 'christian' as it meant 10 different things to 10 different people and there was no universal understanding of it any more. He then said that he personally loved and respected Jesus and was doing his best to live like Jesus did, and you could call it whatever you will. I've pretty much come to his point of view too, and appreciate the Pseudo-Christian delineation you've set up.
Now Rush at the GOP event really scared the Jebus out of me. If I wasn't a flaming Liberal already, that would have turned me.
I'm sure there are enough right wing faith-ish crazies that they could make a go of Texa-Jesus-topia.
That is until one of their respected leaders discovered that the US was trying to make him gay with our "lasers" and then it would be a big mess.
"faith-ish" Good one.
I see your "faith-ish" and raise you "faith-ist" as in, discriminating on the basis of faith, or lack thereof.
The crazy thing is THEY BELIEVE IT! They believe it's what they want and they want ANYTHING but Obama, even totalitarianism! I don't wanna buy a gun (cause I'm afraid I'll have to use it on myself one day. . . y'know in case I'm ever facing a "fate worse than death."). Anyway, I'm not a liberal, I'm just FRIKKIN INTELLIGENT! If there's room in your army for someone like me, I'll join.
Sorta like the one surviving guy in the fish tank.
(From which you can deduce that I am not really stellar in the fish maintenance area...)
Any bets on the surviving Repub-piscene?
Just when you thought that Chuck was done... too old to keep doing those lame saturday daytime tv shows he comes up again to separate Texas and become president!
W-O-W
Who knows maybe if he gets his way he'll even write a version of the bible that goes a bit more with what the great state of texas should be like. a "Before Me" and After Me part in teh Bible.
Go Flaming Liberals, GO!
LOL
One of my favorite Christians says, "Jesus is going to reach down and smack Hell out of that person" (referring to someone claiming to be a Christian and behaving anything but how Jesus wanted us to do).